Super_Becka:
There's not a whole lot I can add to what's already been said. I've been in your position, and my "unpracticing JW" and I were together for several years, I didn't question why he wanted to get married so soon or "loved" me so soon just thought that was how he was. He told me his parents hated me and therefore would have nothing to do with me, so I accepted it as their loss. I decorated my home (he lived with me) and celebrated all the holidays regardless of how he felt because I had a child and wasn't going to deny her anything. He never told me not to, he always accepted the gifts I bought. I had NO IDEA what he was going thru with his family and his religion. I NEVER questioned anything, I had no idea what being a JW was all about, just thought they didn't do birthdays or Christmas, never thought to ask why!! I was in love with this man and we were going to be together forever as far as I was concerned. I only wish NOW that I had questioned it and learned more about it. This site has been a great source for me.
It wasn't until our own surprise was born that he was forced to face the lie that was his life. He turned on me (for lack of a better term) and went back to his flock & his family who accepted him with arms wide open. He married (within 6 months of leaving us) a "nice" JW girl, and had another son. Today he is in the middle of a divorce and his wife is pregnant with their second child. That's another story.
My son attends meetings with his father as they fall on his court appointed visitation nites. I can't stop him, and since he now almost 5 years old, he's able to tell me what he's learning/hearing. I've always stressed to my son to question why he learns what he learns (in my religion as well) and try to stay on his level to explain that "that's what daddy believes" over what I believe. Our custody is that my son will be with me and his sister for all holidays and should the need for a blood transfusion come up, I get final say. The other day my son thought he should hide his halloween candy as "daddy doesn't like it" and it broke my heart. No kid should have to worry about offending or upsetting his parent at the age of 5!! I can only hope the kid grows up with some sanity at this point!
I would never wish this on anyone. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to face in my life. To watch my Ex, whom I loved very very much, treat me as if I am a non entity in our sons life and his as well. To watch him run off and marry so soon after moving out of our home and still telling me he loved me broke my heart in so many ways that now I can't even be in the same room with him, he is not the same person that he was when we were together (which of course, now I realize why). Even now, when he's hurting and divorcing and I should be laughing at him, I can't. I have to stay strong for our son and pick up the pieces left over from his father living the lie that is and has been, his life. Unfortunately, he now has my son and is doing what he can to indoctrinate him into his beliefs.
You're doing the right thing. Ask the questions without confrontation. Let him know what you expect from a relationship with him, let him know that you will not tolerate lies or telling any future children that you are "bird food" etc. I understand you're not ready for marriage yet, you're so young which is smart, but it won't hurt to get as much information in your head as you can, but from my point of view, I can't see anything good come from this relationship. You could have been writing about my ex. If he's not "in" but still holds onto his beliefs because he was brought up that way, he'll never be "out".
Good Luck
SK
